every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
