distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
