there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
