Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
