I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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