I am in a vortex of obligation.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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