ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
