Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
