i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
