areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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