oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
