I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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