Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
