Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
