Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
