Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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