My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
