when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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