Cold hands, warm shart.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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