Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
