i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
