Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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