I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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