M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
