dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
