Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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