dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
