Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
