I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
