I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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