eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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