Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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