I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
