I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
