new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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