Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
