I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
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He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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