they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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