dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
is it fun? or sober?
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