I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
