Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
