He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
