i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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