What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
