I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the day after is always just damage control
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
