I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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