Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
