Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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