so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
