just come out here and I will go home with you...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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