she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
