I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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