oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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