I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
