Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
