you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
