So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
