Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
