I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
