I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
