I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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