she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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