I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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