someone get that fucking seahorse.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You made out with two different species that night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
